Sunday, February 19, 2006
today my parents argued. about an old issue. something that had bothered my mother long enough. and my dad wanted closure. it became full blown and i'm kinda happy with the way things resolved. i mean at least they're resolved. i mean in my life right now, there's not really much things i can be happy about.
but something happened to me when my dad called me out. he sent my mother downstairs so he could speak with his 3 children. but when he called me out to talk to me, this sudden depression just swept through my whole body. evident that i should cannot stay at home and have nothing to do. so he summoned me out. he shouted "come out now. i want to talk to you. now. now!" and then i did. and then i just completely broke down.
the pressures of the entire week which i had stored came pouring out. i started tearing. then i started hyperventilating. this time it was serious. i never had this before except for that day when i had a tiny attack, which my doctor shan diagnosed. this attack lasted like 2 minutes but it was enough. i felt really really dizzy and my head started spinning. then i felt this feeling in my hands, like too much blood or too little.
guess i had a really, really long week. that attack really freaked my parents out. i collapsed on the floor and tried to slow my breathing down. and then the events of the whole week just flashed across my head. monday happy. tuesday worry. wednesday brooding. thursday elation when i thought things could turn. friday super stress and anger. saturday comfort from my friends. sunday depression.
my rehab aint gonna be over so soon. my broken heart probably cant be healed.
wonder what next week would bring. or if i could even live to see it end.
sammy says. at 6:58 PM
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